A Lonesome Dove

This morning I heard the dove before I saw it. As I searched for the source of the mournful call, my eyes located it - sitting atop a post. It moved from place to place, looking and calling. . . . .looking and calling. At one point, it landed on the railing just outside my window and I could feel it's distress. Looking and calling for it's mate. I can hear it still. The wind and storm were fierce last night. How long will it continue the search?

UPDATE: Well, that's what it FELT like, anyway. A bit of googling revealed it was likely a male dove advertising in the early morning for a mate to spend the season with. Once they find each other, they will stay together and nest several times during the season.

Either way, he was, certainly, a lonesome dove.

Things I'm leaving behind with 2007

Low self-esteem
Fear of the future
Unhealthy food
Alcohol

It's a short list, I know - but a very significant one for me. 2007 has been an incredible year for personal growth and I will always remember it fondly. And I'm not making any New Year's resolutions, either. For the first time in my life, I am perfectly content to enter the New Year just as I am.

Happy New Year everyone!

Money Angst

Just had a breakthrough over the tied-in-knots, stomach-churning emotions I've always had about money. One of those 'ah-ha' moments we all have, asking "How in the world could I NOT have seen this before now?" Of course our psychological relationship with money is complicated, yet. . . I wonder how many of us have given serious consideration to the source of our emotions about money?

I'd always thought my money angst came from not having enough of the stuff. And while that has surely been a factor at times, I now understand my physical and emotional reactions to money issues have also been as much about anticipated conflicts with others over it. I'm hoping this new understanding will help me, finally, put it in proper perspective.

More money can surely solve many issues for us - but understanding our emotional relationship with money has the power to effect our lives in ways we may never have imagined.

Perception blurs reality

I generally feel pretty good about myself - until I see pictures that leave me wondering "how could I have gone out of the house looking like that?" Adding insult to injury, any pictures of me generally get taken when I've made an extra effort toward my appearance. Just not photogenic? Camera adds ten pounds? Whatever. As a result, I avoid cameras when possible - I prefer my perception to the reality of what I see.

Now it seems I have to add MIRRORS to the mix. We have so few in our house - one on the medicine cabinet and a full length one behind a door - so I seldom think about it until I'm confronted by a large expanse of mirrored wall somewhere.

The thing is - everyone else always looks 'right' to me in pictures. So why does my image look so different than my perception? Just once, I'd love to see myself in someone else's eyes.

Achieving balance

'Adam and Eve Under Glass' photograph by Pascale Soleil, reprinted with gracious permission. Original located at 'Pascale's Wager''

. . . . .It's all in my head. No one directs me but me. Stop and think about what you need, then proceed. Follow your own path. Be your own person.

OK - I direct me. So why is this so hard?

Words failed and I began searching for an image to complete my thoughts. Googling images, I briefly considered scales and yinyang, progressed to images of bell curves and - naturally? - continued on to bell jars and Sylvia Plath. Suddenly, there it was - exactly what I'd been looking for.

If you don't think it's hard, you ain't payin' attention. . . . . .

I just want to be happy. . . .

A phrase we all use - but one that likely has different meanings for each of us.

Can we think ourselves happy? If people think things are getting better, they can be happy in pretty tough circumstances - so, is happiness a state of mind we experience when we THINK things are getting better?

I know that I can be getting on OK in life, but if I don't perceive it to be 'going anywhere', I often won't feel very happy. I'll get bogged down in day-to-day routines and find myself looking around for anything that will give me a boost - alcohol, food, sex, exercise, some new 'self-help' fix, planning a trip. You get the picture. I bet you have your favorites, too. So is being happy just about the level of certain chemical elements in our brain? It's relatively easy to manufacture short term happiness, but its effects die out very soon - little more than a quick high.

Perhaps it's the PURSUIT of happiness that makes us happy. If that's the case, then setting goals toward things we THINK will make us happy - and setting new ones along the way - should keep us all in a state of perpetual happiness. That might render "the pursuit of happiness" even more profound that Thomas Jefferson realized when he wrote "happiness" instead of "property" in the Declaration of Independence. It could even explain the power of religion - with it's promises of eternal life, streets paved with gold, milk and honey, 70 virgins, paradise. . . . . and, of course, eternal happiness.

Becoming Flexitarian (or Semi-Vegetarian)

It's been happening gradually and I began noticing subtle changes in the way I felt. I may not become a 'full blown' vegetarian, but I'm very pleased with the results of my trend so far. What it really boils down to is that I love the notion (and taste) of healthy, fresh organic food - and, right now, seasonal fruits and vegetables are the most abundant and economical choices we have left.

Let's face it - Americans have been the butt of the joke when it comes to our food supply and it's time we demanded better. I would go so far as to say the long term health of American consumers has been the last consideration of our modern food industry, but a movement of change is afoot and we can make a difference - one person and community at a time. Saying no to unhealthy industrialized farming and livestock operations is as simple as making different choices. With a little shift in our individual buying practices, we can improve the quality of our food supply. Just do a little research into current industrial farming and livestock practices and you'll soon realize that we can't afford not to demand change - after all, we ARE what we eat!